5 awful gigs I've done

As this is post 5 here are the 5 crappest gigs I've played.  Crap for any number of reasons and in no particular order...

1   9th December 1993.  Some Greek restaurant in Soho.  A friend was the regular restaurant pianist and he could actually play.  He got himself double booked so I played instead, thus allowing him to keep his other better paying gig.  I was crap, was openly laughed at and asked to stop playing by the owner.  This gig was on my 23rd birthday.

2  2004-ish.  April.  St John Passion in the Scottish Borders somewhere.  I'd never done the Evangelist before.  I sang really well in the rehearsal but my voice gave out two thirds of the way through the performance.  The last half an hour was the worst musical experience I have EVER had.  I redeemed myself two weeks later when we performed it again and I nailed it (no pun intended) but that one still gives me nightmares

3  Negociants, Edinburgh, 1994.  We were called up last minute as there had been a cancellation.  Our drummer couldn't make it as he had a real job so we did an "unplugged" set with piano, bass and guitar.  There was a sound activated "trip switch" due to decibel levels.  This went off when the pianist played an A for us to tune to (no digital tuners back then boys and girls) and went of at regular intervals throughout the gig.  One of the more generous comments from the audience was "Fuck off you're awful".  And we were.  But we played to the bitter end!!!!!!!!

4  1995-ish.  St Andrew's & St George's Church, Edinburgh with a programme of music by unknown (for very good reasons) Renaissance composers.  The music was dreadful.  My old university tutor was in the audience having been the external examiner for Edinburgh University Bmus performers.  A viol consort came on and kept missing the point of imitation in an In Nomine or something like that so this music from 1570 sounded like Webern.  OK, I'm being a bit pompous and haven't got time to explain to non musicians what this means but try youtube-ing Webern Bagatelles and Byrd In Nomines to hear what I'm on about.  It was tongue-bitingly hilarious and skin crawlingly embarrassing, mainly as the players didn't have a clue.  Thankfully I was just watching at this point.

5  Wedding in Troedyrhiw circa 1986.  I was church organist and one of the bridesmaids reckoned she could sing and was asked to sing during the signing of the register.   I accompanied her and it was completely dreadful.  Oh deary deary me...Having said that I was asked to play the Widor at a friend's wedding in 1996 and totally murdered it.  And at the first funeral I played the organ  for (as a 15 year old in Troedyrhiw once again) the choir mistress sat next to me murmuring "slower, slower" all the way through the Dead March from Saul.  if I'd played any slower I'd still be there now.  On a more positve note I played the organ for a funeral 2 years after this in a neighbouring church, got an afternoon off school to do so and was commended on my improvisation.  I'd run out of music as the hearse was 45 minutes late due to roadworks.

I've done plenty of gigs as a performer, conductor or composer with which I have been thoroughly pleased but it has been more fun trying to remember details about these awful ones than trying to remember details about really good ones.